Kate McMillan opens the doors to Area 54 and reveals many of the secrets of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

There never were any weapons of mass destruction. None. Anywhere. We knew that all along – there never was a Halabja. It was filmed in a remote part of Texas hill country. Mexican illegals, playing dead for the camera. Rumsfeld directed – he shook Saddam’s hand, didn’t he? It was all fake, Laura. Didn’t you notice the flags were waving? Waving, Laura. There’s no atmosphere in northern Iraq.

It’s Vietnam all over again. Tet. My Lai (did you know it’s pronounced “me lie”?) Soldiers raping babies. Quagmire quagmire quagmire. Bush lied. Bush is stupid. Bush is a chimp. An evil mastermind Nazi puppet chimp who engineered the takeover of America by stealing the election. And he’s ours. We hold the strings.

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It was all about the oil. It’s always about the oil. Japan was about the oil. Vietnam was about the oil. Panama? Oil.

And that’s just the stuff they’re letting us in on to divert us from the big secrets.