Duke economist Dan Ariely argues that the Western notion of gift giving is irrational.
One of the best answers I’ve gotten so far is this: “A good gift is something that someone really wants, but feels guilty buying it for themselves.” What is interesting about this answer is that the ideal gift from this perspective is not about getting the person something that they can’t afford, or something that they have no idea that they want – it is all about alleviating guilt connected with the purchase of a highly desirable (yet guilt invoking) item.
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Imagine that you are walking by a storefront and you notice a beautiful coat that is just the right cut and color. You walk in to check it out, and up close it is even more beautiful. But then, you look at the price tag and you discover that it is about twice as expensive as you originally guessed, and after 30 seconds of painful deliberation you decide that you can’t possibly justify paying so much for a coat – and you go on your way. When you get home, you find out that your significant other has purchased that same exact coat for you … from your joint checking account. Now, ask yourself how you would feel about this. Would you say a) “Honey, this is very nice of you, but I have weighted the costs and benefits earlier and decided that this coat is not worth the money — so please take it back immediately” or b) “Thank you so much, I love it, and I love you.” I suspect that the answer is b. Why? Because by getting you the expensive coat, your significant other got you what you wanted without making you contemplate the guilt associated with the purchase.
He gives other examples and concludes “the best gifts circumvent guilt in two key ways: by eliminating the guilt that accompanies extravagant purchases, and by reducing the guilt that comes from coupling payment with consumption.” Which strikes me as right.
The issue with the joint checking account isn’t truly economic but rather that one doesn’t wish to be seen as selfish when spending the family money. When one’s spouse makes the decision in your favor, that’s eliminated. In the example above, the coat was affordable but extravagant. I’m always more willing to be extravagant in spending for my wife or kid than for myself, so, yes, the gift would be welcome.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t mind trading in the five-year-old 350Z that I bought used three years ago for a new M6 convertible or 911 Cabriolet. Or, hell, a Murcielago LP 640. But if one of those was in my driveway on Christmas morning, I’d send it back.
