Apparently, I missed the memo that everyone is supposed to apologize for semi-random events for which they have no control. My bad.
I, too, apologize for the Reserve MPs who were mean to prisoners in Iraq. Sure, I’ve been out of the Army for twelve years now, but I once wore the same uniform as those guys and was also in Iraq for several months. I also drove past several Iraqi prisoners on more than one occasion without stopping to share my MREs with them (I’d have gladly donated my oatmeal cookie bar). Perhaps if I’d set a better example then, BG Karpinski would have been a better commander and I’d have conveyed to future generations of soldiers that we should be nice to Iraqi prisoners rather than making fun of their wee-wees and otherwise abusing them.
I’m very sorry that I didn’t see the 9/11 attacks coming and did nothing to prevent them. To the families who lost people that day, I failed you. Had I only been endowed with omniscence and omnipotence, rest assured that I’d have stopped the attacks rather than teaching at a mediocre college in South Alabama that day.
Also, while these events were before my time, I feel really bad about the My Lai massacre, Jim Crow laws, the Holocaust, slavery, killing all those Indians and stealing their land, and the Spanish Inquisition. If there’s anything else you’re feeling bad about, I apologize for that, too. And if this apology offended you in any way, you have my apologies.
