Only the Best Appointees (Teleporting Edition)
Tales from the dumbest timeline.
Via The Guardian: Top US Fema official claims to have teleported to a Waffle House before.
Gregg Phillips, who in December was appointed to lead Fema’s office of response and recovery, has spoken on “multiple podcasts” about being teleported against his will, CNN reported on Friday.
On a January 2025 podcast appearance, Phillips claimed that his car was “lifted up” while he was driving and transported 40 miles (65km) away into a ditch near a church. And in another instance on the same episode, Phillips said he was teleported 50 miles away to a Waffle House in Rome, Georgia, CNN detailed in a deep dive into Phillips’ past public statements.
“I was with my boys one time, and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House – this was in Georgia, and I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was,” Phillips said on the podcast Onward, co-hosted by rightwing activist Catherine Engelbrecht.
[…]
“Teleporting is no fun,” he said “You know it’s happening, but you can’t do anything about it, and so you just go, you just go with the ride. And wow, what just an incredible adventure it all was.”
No doubt.
Good thing he is just some dude and not in charge of an important government function!
(Sorry, that last sentence was from a less dumb timeline…)
Now, if I were to be teleported somewhere, not likely, it wouldn’t be a Waffle House.
* BAMF! *