Outside the Beltway

Source: The White House

Politicians Wearing Clothes

Michael Bailey
13

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Let’s talk fashion!

I truly cannot fathom why so many of you have been clamoring for me to rank the suits of politicians.

No, I insisted! I know about the Federalist Papers and the Fab Four, not fashion. I have some dignity. Let me stay in my lane! I also reminded you that I mostly purchase my clothes at thrift shops and Walmart. I am simply in no position to judge.

And yet you persisted.

So, by incessant popular demand, here you go.

First, the Republicans:

JD Vance — This guy’s tailor is really good. I’d wear eyeliner too if I could pull off a suit like he does. People make unfair fun of his youngish face, but honestly, he looks pretty amazing in a lot of his suits. Or at least his suits do. Fashion grade: A+

Mike Johnson — Unlike this guy, I’m not going to lie. Mike Johnson wears his suits beautifully well. He always looks crisp, like he arrived at work five minutes ago, and his clothes are consistently sharp. Immaculately groomed (in a George Will–priggish way), always nicely put together. Fashion grade: Solid A

Marco Rubio — For unknown reasons, he gets some heat for his (tiny little) boots, but I quite like them. They’re nearly a little early Beatles. His suits, though, epitomize what a suit on a decently fit person looks like when the suit is perfectly…fine. Nothing wrong, nothing flashy, nothing memorable. Fashion grade: B+

Donald Trump — The dude has a style; I’ll grant him that. I prefer ties that run slightly long rather than slightly short, so I cut him some slack there. You might think he’d look sharper given his wealth and rhetorical obsession with aesthetics, but he has a brand, and it’s clearly worked for him. Fashion grade: A for an effective brand/ C for aesthetics

Pete Hegseth — Maybe because I’m a kind of a big guy (i.e., in need of going on a diet), I dislike super-tight clothes. But it’s not just how they feel; I don’t love how they look, even on very fit people. Hegseth gives the impression of being just a touch too impressed with his own physique and determined to show it off through spray-paint-close tailoring. When his jacket is unbuttoned, he looks fine, that is, if one can look past the Fox News hair and the too-short pants. When he buttons his jacket, though, I worry about the safety of anyone standing nearby, given the very real risk of a button achieving escape velocity and permanently blinding someone.   Fashion grade: B– unbuttoned / D+ buttoned

Bonus: Melania Trump — Think of her what you will, but she dresses killer when she’s not sending horrifically cruel political messages with her jacket. Fashion grade: A+ for galas / F for mocking migrants

Now, on to the Democrats:

All Democrats: Yeah, I don’t care if Democrats dress like the Times Square Super Mario guy, as long as they resist Trump’s authoritarianism.  Fashion grade: who gives a crap, that’s not their assignment.

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13 responses to “Politicians Wearing Clothes”

  1. Kathy Avatar
    Kathy

    By and large men’s business and formal wear are more like uniforms.

    I appreciate a good fashion sense. But if beauty is only skin deep, a nice dress and proper makeup are far more shallow than that.

    3
  2. Sleeping Dog Avatar
    Sleeping Dog

    Since you brought it up… Having spent a couple of years of my misspent youth peddling men’s suits I do have thoughts. Vance does wear nice clothes well. He has a good tailor that hides whatever minor deformities (we all have them) that JD has. What you say about Johnson is grudgingly accurate, though he does look like the kid standing at the teachers desk with an apple. He reminds me of John Dean.

    Rubio, nothing special, run of the mill lawyer-banker type.

    Oh the Felon, where to begin. Let’s try a compliment, word is that he prefers Brioni, nice suits, always wished that I could have afforded them. But… He suffers from the syndrome that many, once trim, guys suffer from, when they get fat and old, they simply go up a couple of sizes rather than move over to the portly rack. I pity his poor tailor, there is no way that you can make that suit look good on him. the jacket is too long and the pants would look good on some one 3″ taller. Even if this were the mid 80’s during the padded shoulder, oversized Hugo Boss look, trump’s clothing doesn’t work. It wouldn’t be bad if he went bespoke, but he’s too cheap and buys off the rack.

    Hegseth is the 50 yo guy wearing a ball cap on backwards sitting with his 12yo son. He thinks he’s cool but he’s not. The guy has fully bought into the Tom Brown look of an 8th grader in June wearing the clothes that his mom bought him in September. He should really be shopping at Oxxford or Ralph Lauren.

    Better not talk about Dems, I could go on for a while about Schumer.

    4
  3. Kurtz Avatar
    Kurtz

    Oh, Bailey. So disappointed.

    How do you do this without mentioning Roger Stone? Whether dressing like a one-off Golden Era Batman villain or the boomer who would have a broccoli top if only he had enough hair, the man has style.

    And, of course, the Nixon tattoo. The placement of said Nixon head suggests that he really wanted it on the back of his neck, but he didn’t want to lose his teaching job.

    Not as big a miss, but Michael Anton aka Publius Decius Mus aka Flight 93 Election Guy, in between chiseling his reworked Pietà with Harry Jaffa holding a crucified Leo Strauss and mining The Congressional Globe for quotes to which he can add words, authored over 40,000 posts on Styleforum under the handle “Manton” aka (on that forum) as “Nicholas Antongiavanni”.

    Note: I only had to make up one thing in this comment.

  4. Daryl Avatar
    Daryl

    Is this a parody site, now?
    C’mon. Trump’s clothes never fit. He just generally looks like a slob. Plus he wears diapers and elevator shoes.

  5. Kurtz Avatar
    Kurtz

    @Sleeping Dog:

    Had I seen your John Dean reference prior to my comment, I may have attempted to shoehorn into my post one more figure so we could hit a Nixon Felon Trifecta.

    It’s a good thing, really. There are so many convicted felons associated with that administration, the payoff ain’t worth the time it would take to examine each one’s sartorial sense.

  6. Sleeping Dog Avatar
    Sleeping Dog

    @Kurtz:

    Watching Dean at the Watergate hearings, I was always amazed at his appearance, not to forget his wife Maureen, sitting behind him, her blond locks pulled back into a bun. Those were my full on hippie years and no one in my association were that clean cut.

    Given that he blew Nixon’s conspiracy up, I’ll grant that in the end, he did the right thing.

  7. Jay L. Gischer Avatar
    Jay L. Gischer

    @Kathy: You have reminded me of such a great story. A wile back some folks in my gaming group were having a voice chat. It was me, another woman a bit younger than me (a co-guild leader) and a younger guy worried about how to present himself to his date. He was asking advice, first about door opening, then about style.

    He specifically asked us about shoes. He said his mom had said that women notice shoes. (Her advice on opening the car door was outdated in my humble opinion). My co-guild leader says, in a voice that suggests definite experience, “Well, it’s true, I do notice shoes. But assholes can wear nice shoes.”

    2
  8. Gregory Lawrence Brown Avatar
    Gregory Lawrence Brown

    @Kurtz:..And, of course, the Nixon tattoo. The placement of said Nixon head suggests that he really wanted it on the back of his neck, but he didn’t want to lose his teaching job.

    When I first visited the local Panera (10 Years ago?) I noticed that a cashier had a bandage on her arm and another on the back of her hand.
    “Kitchen accident?” I said.
    “No. We have to cover our tattoos if we want this job.”
    I also remember overhearing a manager back then telling a prospective employee with green and blue streaks in her coiffure that Panera wanted their employees to keep their natural hair color. I guess Panera management thought all this self expression would offend the customers.
    I thought of this today as I ordered my bagel and the woman who rang up the order had exposed tats all up and down her arms. Not the first by a long shot. I have even noticed some of the managers with body ink or green or orange hair or both.
    Looking around at grocery stores and quick shops and restaurants here in this college town if employers refused to hire those with ink and dyed hair they would not find enough people to work for them.
    Brings to mind one summer 55 years ago when I lived at home after a year away at college. My dad told me to get a haircut or I would never find a job. Since I was living in his house rent free I got a trim. When I ended up driving an ice cream truck working for a guy whose hair was a lot longer than mine I let dad know it.

    2
  9. Gregory Lawrence Brown Avatar
    Gregory Lawrence Brown

    @Jay L. Gischer:”..assholes can wear nice shoes.”

    Anybody can be an asshole.
    It doesn’t take any talent and it isn’t anything to be proud of.

    3
  10. Gustopher Avatar
    Gustopher

    @Sleeping Dog:

    Hegseth is the 50 yo guy wearing a ball cap on backwards sitting with his 12yo son. He thinks he’s cool but he’s not.

    Having had an absentee father who got a job where he would travel for months at a time so he didn’t have to see his family, this description absolutely triggered me. I was not expecting that. The 50 year old guy wearing a ball cap backwards sitting with his son is cool. He’s trying.

    But that’s not Hegseth. Hegseth is the 50 year old guy wearing a ball cap backwards sitting with 30 year old gym bros wearing their ball caps backwards and looking for their approval because he thinks they’re cool. His outfits are utterly performative, and just like that guy at ICE that dresses like a Nazi, or Kristi Noem’s face, it’s a performance put on for terrible people.

    Ok, I’m going to go pick up my prescriptions, grab some lunch and quietly resent my father. What the fuck, dude.

    (Aside: my pharmacy messed up my drugs a while ago, and I was off my ssri for a bit, and now I feel emotions and I’m not sure that it’s that was the right drug for me. People should feel emotions, right? Even men? I need to chat with my shrink about this.)

    12
  11. Mr. Prosser Avatar
    Mr. Prosser

    I always thought the best dressed man in Congress was Ron Dellums. The man had flair. In the horrid times of polyester double knits Dellums dressed in natural fabrics, had a great collection of yummy tweed sportcoats and no leisure suits.. When he was mayor of Oakland and as he aged he outclassed everyone with his suits.

    1
  12. Jay L. Gischer Avatar
    Jay L. Gischer

    @Gregory Lawrence Brown: Yes. It’s just that my friends comment seemed so, uh, biographical.

    5
  13. JohnSF Avatar
    JohnSF

    “Politicians wearing clothes”
    Make them stop!
    Right now!
    🙂

    Well apart from Trump; some things are not meant to be seen by mortal eyes.

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