Outside the Beltway

Scientology “South Park” Conspiracy Plot Thickens

James Joyner · Monday, March 20, 2006 · 3 comments

First, it is alleged that Tom Cruise and Scientology are blackmailing Comedy Central over a controversial episode of “South Park” making fun of the cult. Now, Roger Friedman has an odd piece at Fox News alleging that, contrary to last week’s reports that Isaac Hayes had quit South Park because they made fun of Scientology, in fact “someone quit it for him.” Further, “Hayes is in no position to have quit anything. Contrary to news reports, the great writer, singer and musician suffered a stroke on Jan. 17.”

Friedman contends that he met with Hayes after the episode in question aired and that he even put “Chocolate Salty Balls” into a performance that night.

As recently as early January, before his stroke, Hayes defended the “South Park” creators in an interview with “The AV Club,” the serious side of the satirical newspaper, The Onion.

AV Club: They did just do an episode that made fun of your religion, Scientology. Did that bother you?

Hayes: Well, I talked to Matt [Stone] and Trey [Parker] about that. They didn’t let me know until it was done. I said, ‘Guys, you have it all wrong. We’re not like that. I know that’s your thing, but get your information correct, because somebody might believe that [expletive], you know?’ But I understand what they’re doing. I told them to take a couple of Scientology courses and understand what we do. [Laughs.]

The truth is, Hayes has a sly sense of humor and loves everything about “South Park.” It’s provided him a much-needed income stream since losing the royalties to the many hits he’s written, such as “Shaft” and “Soul Man,” in the mid-1970s.

Even though he’s one of America’s most prolific hit writers, Hayes has been denied access to profits from his own material for almost 30 years.

But it’s hard to know anything since Hayes, like Katie Holmes, is constantly monitored by a Scientologist representative most of the time. Luckily, at the Blues Ball he was on his own, partying just with family and friends. He was very excited about having gotten married and about the impending birth of a new child.

This is, frankly, some pretty weak evidence. Just to be safe, though, I’m not joining Scientology until this gets cleared up.