Outside the Beltway

Jesse Ventura Needs Hiding Lessons

Steven L. Taylor
26

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Via TPM Livewire:  Jesse Ventura Says He’s Hiding From Drones In Mexico (VIDEO)

“I’m off the grid. I move about with my TV show so that the drones can’t find me and you won’t know exactly where I am as long as we have solar power and we can reach the satellite," Ventura said during an appearance on CNBC’s "Closing Bell."

"I view the United States today much like East Berlin. And I’m off the grid. I’ve tried for 20 years to warn the country about the Democrats and Republicans and nobody’s listening from the inside looking out. Now I’m doing it on the outside looking in. I now view the United States from the outside and I don’t like what I see."

First:  if he is accessing a satellite, isn’t that a great way to track him?

Second:  This is not the best advert for third parties,.

Third:  Since he is promoting a TV called Off the Grid, color he a tad skeptical as to exactly how much he is really trying to go off the grid,.

Bonus hint for the Governor:  If one really doesn’t want to be found, I would suggest, a) not giving interviews, and b) not having a TV show.

(For anyone who is familiar with James Adomian’s Jess Ventura impersonation, you know this is just the basis for more comedy gold).

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26 responses to “Jesse Ventura Needs Hiding Lessons”

  1. OzarkHillbilly Avatar
    OzarkHillbilly

    Since he is promoting a TV called Off the Grid,

    I wonder where they send the checks? Or does he get paid in cash only? How does he pay his taxes? Does he file a 1040 IS (for “It’s a Secret”)? Enquiring minds want to know….

  2. David in KC Avatar
    David in KC

    @OzarkHillbilly: cash? Maybe in gold or bit coins?

  3. al-Ameda Avatar
    al-Ameda

    Jesse Ventura – Exhibit 172,693 – provided as evidence of the accelerated dumbing down of America.

  4. Surreal American Avatar
    Surreal American

    How Not To Be Seen:

  5. Steven L. Taylor Avatar
    Steven L. Taylor

    @Surreal American: I wish I had though of that! 🙂

    Well played,

  6. de stijl Avatar
    de stijl

    Judging by his tenure as Governor, for a big tuff SEAL and rassler, he sure is a thin-skinned WATB, isn’t he. Nice to see that he hasn’t changed his spots.

  7. john personna Avatar
    john personna

    I kind of worry about the size of the paranoia market. I mean, I kind of get frugal or environmental off-the-grid, but … so the drones don’t get us?

    The whole “prepper” thing is both crazy, and crazily popular.

  8. john personna Avatar
    john personna

    Related:

    It’s estimated there are three million Preppers in the U.S. alone, and the number is rising.

    Furthermore, the recession has seen ‘Prepping’ become a multibillion-dollar industry, with many American Preppers spending thousands every year stocking up on supplies to see them through the impending catastrophe.

  9. Pinky Avatar
    Pinky

    This seems like the worst possible strategy for avoiding The Man. If you’re in the public eye, no one’s going to touch you. If you’re keeping your mouth shut, no one’s going to bother coming after you. But if you’re both hiding and complaining about The Man, you’re making it so no one would notice if you suddenly disappeared.

    Dude should rent the top floor of Trump Tower and let everyone know exactly where he’s going to be at all times. Besides, I think he and Trump would hit it off.

  10. john personna Avatar
    john personna

    @Pinky:

    Besides, I think he and Trump would hit it off.

    It might be a “there can only be one” situation 😉

  11. PanTechnik Avatar
    PanTechnik

    It’s estimated there are three million Preppers in the U.S. alone, and the number is rising.

    Furthermore, the recession has seen ‘Prepping’ become a multibillion-dollar industry, with many American Preppers spending thousands every year stocking up on supplies to see them through the impending catastrophe.

    1. Conjure up stream of paranoid fearmongering.
    2. Brand it: ‘Prepping’.
    3. Profit!

  12. OzarkHillbilly Avatar
    OzarkHillbilly

    @john personna: The funny thing is I work really hard at making us as self-sufficient as possible on our little 13 acres because I am a really cheap bstrd and hate spending money on things I know I can provide. Friends come to visit and look at it all and all say some variation of the same: “Boy, you really are prepared, aren’t you?” I always want to ask, “Prepared for what? That which I don’t want to live through?”

  13. OzarkHillbilly Avatar
    OzarkHillbilly

    @Pinky:

    Dude should rent the top floor of Trump Tower and let everyone know exactly where he’s going to be at all times.

    Ssshhhhhh…. nobodies supposed to know….

  14. OzarkHillbilly Avatar
    OzarkHillbilly

    Heh… I’m building a cold storage room for stuff from the garden and things we buy in bulk. I just googled “food storage” and at least half the sites were geared to preppers.

  15. Pinky Avatar
    Pinky

    @OzarkHillbilly: That makes me wonder how much prepper stuff is really bought by preppers, rather than bought by Boy Scouts, artisan hipsters, and practical rural people.

  16. john personna Avatar
    john personna

    @Pinky:

    Hunter, Angler, Gardener, Cook is a thing … but I think it is more an overlap with the BassPro crowd than the preppers.

  17. Neil Hudelson Avatar
    Neil Hudelson

    Steven,

    Glad someone else immediately thought of James Adomian/CBB while reading it.

  18. grumpy realist Avatar
    grumpy realist

    @OzarkHillbilly: now we just have to figure out a way to boil maple sap that doesn’t involve tons of wood…..

    I wouldn’t mind living somewhat off the grid. First of all, because it would be interesting to see how thrifty I could get. Second, because I absolutely offing HATE paying $2.99 for a tiny little plastic box of herbs at Whole Paycheck.

  19. grumpy realist Avatar
    grumpy realist

    @PanTechnik: P.S. I wonder what happens when the Absolute Disaster doesn’t happen? It seems to me that even preserved foodstuff doesn’t usually taste that great if it’s been lying around 6 years or so…..do Preppers end up using the food anyway? Or does it just get gifted to other Preppers, like the proverbial fruitcake?

    Also, what’s the overlap between Preppers and apocalyptic cults?

  20. Dave D Avatar
    Dave D

    @Neil Hudelson: The enigma force five is really hurting from the loss of Huell Howser.

  21. John Peabody Avatar
    John Peabody

    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: As a Minnesota resident serving in the Army, I mailed in every single damn absentee ballot, year after year, until one year. The year of his election. I hang my head in shame…

  22. Neil Hudelson Avatar
    Neil Hudelson

    @Dave D:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if Richard Harrow’s ghost gets involved soon as a replacement.

  23. PanTechnik Avatar
    PanTechnik

    @grumpy realist: “I wonder what happens when the Absolute Disaster doesn’t happen? It seems to me that even preserved foodstuff doesn’t usually taste that great if it’s been lying around 6 years or so….”

    Once again, the profit motive guides us. There’s way more money to be made selling dried food over and over again to the same folks.

    Seriously, I think stashing away food (and some other things like a better-than-average first aid kit) falls toward the benign end of the prepper spectrum. Done right (i.e. rotating your stock through, planning for the usable shelf life,…) this might be pretty standard if you lived in an area with crappy utility service, for example. That’s a known, understandable, threat where you can get solid estimates for the probabilities and costs.

    Where prepper meets whack-a-doodle is out in the region of vague unfamiliar threats. Radiation detectors, gas masks, pills to boost your immune system against “biological agents”, and so on. Hmmm… a Black Helicopter Detector! That’s what the market needs.

  24. john personna Avatar
    john personna

    @PanTechnik:

    FEMA suggests that we have just 3 days of food and water per person, as a first guess. That’s a pretty low bar, something most have as a side-effect of a CostCo membership.

  25. ernieyball Avatar
    ernieyball

    It seems to me that even preserved foodstuff doesn’t usually taste that great if it’s been lying around 6 years or so…

    When was the last time you saw this sign on a building?
    http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18l00vg1o97gbjpg/k-bigpic.jpg
    There was one on the old US Post Office in town.
    In 1969 I was working a student job at Sleepytown U cleaning the dorms that were closed in the summer. In the basement were 50 gallon drums of water and crates marked “saltine crackers”. All with Civil Defense labels. As I remember the boss told us to leave them alone as it was feared they would rupture if disturbed.
    Sometime in the 80’s I was working on the telephone facilities in the basement of a building in town that at one time had sported another Fallout Shelter sign at it’s entrance like the one that was on the Post Office. Same water barrels and crates I had seen in the dorm basement. 15 years older I presume. For all I know they are still there.

  26. grumpy realist Avatar
    grumpy realist

    @PanTechnik: I just threw away a 7-year old open bag of brown rice that had somehow never managed to get eaten through. Tried a few grains and they definitely tasted stale. Chicago has such dry winters that I think all the water in the rice grains had been pulled out, causing cracking and crazing of the grain surface.

    The beans? I seem to have more or less munched through them already. The other staple-but-am-not-sure-about-it is a bag of kasha. Will probably pitch.

    (I guess what I’m worried about is ergot poisoning, especially with the damp summers we sometimes have.)

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