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Source: Screencap from X.com

Dispatches from the Dumbest Timeline

Patel tries to explain the bestiality rule.

Steven L. Taylor
10

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Had a time-traveller come back in time and tried to explain the following, well, they would be checked into a mental hospital, and not because they claimed to be a time-traveller.

Elect clowns and get a clownish government.

PATEL: The previous regulation automatically disqualified any individual who participated in either side of itKENNEDY: Either side of beastiality? So you disqualified the animal?P: Well, we have great canines, but we're not going to disqualify themK: I'm trying to understand why you did this.

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2026-09-15T14:18:24.092Z

Kash Patel: "Applicants who have engaged in beastiliaty means they were victims of beastility because they were forced to do so. At this FBI we are not going to criminalize and prevent victims from serving."

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2026-09-15T14:05:03.704Z

Even if I were to take Patel’s explanation seriously (and I simply do not take Ka$h seriously), there was undoubtedly a better way to deal with this. I also find it very hard to believe that we have been rejecting a bunch of otherwise qualified applicants because they had been trafficked into bestiality. Indeed, my true suspicion is that this rule change was made to accommodate a specific person (who, I have no idea).

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10 responses to “Dispatches from the Dumbest Timeline”

  1. Kingdaddy Avatar
    Kingdaddy

    Any time you’re being asked questions about regulating bestiality, you’ve lost.

    7
  2. Daryl Avatar
    Daryl

    So Vance is f’ing couches and Patel is f’ing pooches?
    Meanwhile Trump is being protected from the Epstein files which likely prove he is a molester.
    Stay classy, MAGAt’s.

    1
    1. Moosebreath Avatar
      Moosebreath

      “Patel is f’ing pooches”

      I think the whole administration has been screwing the pooch.

      3
  3. Michael Reynolds Avatar
    Michael Reynolds

    Indeed, my true suspicion is that this rule change was made to accommodate a specific person (who, I have no idea).

    Possibles:
    1) Former shepherd inspired by the movie Sheep Detectives to enter law enforcement field.
    2) Former Tijuana donkey sex performer. We need to see if there’s a clause involving ping pong balls, if so I would consider that confirmation.
    3) Does Kash own a dog? Is it a big black mastiff? Are we all forming the same mental image? Does the image involve dog drool on the back of Kash’s neck? It does now, doesn’t it. Should we consider adding sound? Should the sound be Kash panting, ‘Good dog, good dog, yes, yes, oh Jesus, good dog!’

    2
  4. Sleeping Dog Avatar
    Sleeping Dog

    Ah, the only place virgin wool comes from are the sheep that can outrun the Republicans.

    4
  5. Kathy Avatar
    Kathy

    I think it’s all part of their desire to return to a time when men were men and sheep ran scared.

    3
  6. JohnSF Avatar
    JohnSF

    I think I have hit upon the basic reason for this, albeit not the funniest possible one.
    Namely, that Mr Patel is a moron, who neither understands the questions he is being asked, nor even the answers he is giving.

    4
  7. Gustopher Avatar
    Gustopher

    Given that there are some absolutely sick people out there, I have no doubt that other people have been forced to commit acts of bestiality (possibly on video) — same as CSAM, rape, etc., and everything that happens on Epstein Island.

    Are these victims trying to get hired by the FBI? I have no idea, and expect bestiality might have been added because someone looked at a list of crimes that victims have been forced into.

    A competent FBI director would be able to just speak to that, clearly and succinctly.

    I borderline competent FBI director would be able to say “I don’t know why this category was included, I’ll have my people get back to you.”

    Alas, we do not have a borderline competent FBI director, and the president is a child molester, so it’s just as likely that someone was fucking a pig or something.

    Oh! It’s so the Prime Minister of Britain from that one Black Mirror episode can be a paid informant!

    1. dazedandconfused Avatar
      dazedandconfused

      Unlikely Patel wrote the thing, as it is that he read it thoroughly. He spends a heck of a lot of time running around to attend political events, sporting events, and his girlfriend’s concerts.

      I wonder if this is something that was slipped in by a disgruntled employee at the FBI to mess with him. It seems that silly. Or perhaps to train him that he’s got to buckle down and do the job, as in the famous Van Halen no-brown-M&M’s gambit.

  8. dazedandconfused Avatar
    dazedandconfused

    “Screwing the pooch” (if forced to do so) being granted some leeway seems entirely appropriate for the civil servants who must serve this administration.

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