The Dumbest Timeline
A new ongoing series?
So, I frequently post about things happening in front of our noses as well as things that remind me of personalistic authoritarian dictators like Kim Jung Un, but now I may need a new tag focused simply on really dumb things in this stormy, weird timeline in which we live.
To wit, via Deadline: Kash Patel Confirms UFC Fighters Will Train FBI Agents This Week, Calling It A “Historic Opportunity”.
“I’m thrilled to announce this historic seminar between the FBI and the UFC at Quantico,” said Patel in a statement released today by the UFC. “This is a tremendous opportunity for our FBI agents to learn and train with some of the greatest athletes on earth — helping the world’s premier law enforcement agency be even better prepared to protect the American people.”
The training will provide insight into UFC fighters’ training methods as well as fighting techniques and tactics. It will take place at the FBI Special Agent Academy in Quantico on March 15 and 16 and is for “academy students as well as senior FBI staff from around the world.”
Because, obviously, people who fight as entertainers are far better trained than those in one of the world’s premier law enforcement agencies. Plus, I hear tell that no one else at Quantico knows anything about fighting.
Weirdly, it might just be that putting a podcast host in charge of the FBI was a bad idea.
(Spoiler alert: rhetorical question)
Is this in any way better than adopting the wrestling kayfabe ethos as a governing style?
Senior staff? Like Patel himself?
My father’s wife got Kodak to pay for her to go to mime school — tuition, room, board, travel expenses, on company time, the works — because it would improve her communication skills because half of all communication is non-verbal.
I think it’s a lot more charming when it’s a middle-aged middle-manager woman in a vast corporation who had to get others to approve it rather than the head of the FBI who can just approve it himself, but I have to admire the grift.
A podcast host who hates and has denigrated the FBI.
Trump/Patel’s goal is to get rid of the professionals and just transform it into another paramilitary force he can deploy against domestic opposition; any actual law enforcement it performs will be vestigial.
All the videos we’ve seen of DHS agents swarming people, slamming them to the ground, punching people in the head when they’re down … that’s the model they’d like to emulate. Not professionals of investigations, street brawler thugs.
I need to stop thinking things are as stupid as they can be. There always seem to be new depths of stupid.
This is the sort of thing where, if someone has time/interest to attend, you immediately fire them because they clearly don’t understand what their job is.
I thought UFC was fake. Aren’t they part of WWF?
There is an idea here that has merit.
AND, this is the stupid publicity stunt version of that idea.
In my martial arts career, I worked out with several law enforcement persons. One of them was a very senior guy, very knowledgeable, and also on the Santa Clara Police. I learned a lot from that guy.
They would organize things where the police would learn things from jujitsu. A few things.
Thing is, police do not spend a lot of time on hand-to-hand combat. Most of their martial training is in shooting. Which is probably a good call. What we had to teach them was ‘control’ methods, which are also valuable in police work. (And which ICE, for instance, knows absolutely nothing about). I think they could probably stand more work on control, but they do get shot at. George Floyd died because of poor control technique, in my opinion. Chauvin believed, “Oh I can just sit on him like this and it will be fine.” It wasn’t fine. It was lethal. Anyway…
I’m not a huge MMA fan, but what I’ve looked at suggests that many of the participants have serious skills in this area, not from training for MMA matches per se, but from related training. So I can see some value here.
Not that I think Kash Patel has any notion of that value. He just wants to be able to rub shoulders with MMA stars and give them high fives.
I worked in a couple of Philadelphia mental health emergency facilities before med school. Worked on a psych ward as a corpsman. I helped restrain hundreds of people. Your goal shouldn’t really be to fight with people but as Jay noted to gain control of them. Your goal should be to do that without causing any permanent harm. Most importantly you had to learn how to avoid getting into a situation where you needed to restrain people if possible and if you did doing it when it was safe when possible.
The goal here is clearly so that people can hang with famous people with maybe a secondary goal of learning to cosplay as a badass. Really, just go hang with the Marines or the Shore Patrol.
Steve
@Hume’s Ghost: I doubt that Trump, and probably Patel, even have a concept of any kind of force other than a bunch of badasses who are good with guns and look good in a dark suit.
Seriously, I think that’s their concept of the FBI.
@Jay L. Gischer:
@steve222:
But that’s not how they do it in the movies!!111!!!11!1
@Jay L. Gischer: To me their vision of “law enforcement” is exactly what we’ve seen from the cobbled together forces (Park agents assaulting people) they’ve used to achieve their ends, it doesn’t’t matter what agency anyone is from its just more bodies to achieve Supreme Emperor Trump’s wishes.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-orders-federal-law-enforcement-to-patrol-dc/ar-AA1XVVuI
@steve222: This is such a core example of a great deal of what we studied.
Sensei used to say her scenario was when Uncle Fred got drunk and rowdy at the Christmas party. And yes, we also trained for a lot more deadly situations, because that can be valuable too. The training is valuable mentally/emotionally EVEN IF the specific situation never comes up.
BTW, I read that the FBI is warning California police agencies of Iranian drone attacks. Is this anything more than just scare tactics?
@Slugger: I just assumed Trump is planning to drop a bomb someplace unpopulated in California, and blame Iran for it.
@Daryl:
Both UFC and WWE are owned by the same parent company. WWE openly states they are entertainment, not competition, and don’t license appearances through state athletic commissions. UFC does license its events as legitimate competitions. A few months ago there was an unusual pattern in online betting before one of the UFC events, and a peculiar outcome in the bout on which the bets were being placed. The FBI did a lot of interviews, but eventually decided not to pursue an actual fixing investigation.
Current opinion seems to be that the UFC event at the White House will be billed as an exhibition, won’t be licensed, and the sports books won’t have any betting on it.
It’s not about training agents, it’s about rewarding Dana White for supporting Trump. The FBI being used for a cheap stunt will deepen the anger within the ranks at what has been happening, the enshitification of the FBI. Kash best watch his back.
@Tony W: why assume it will be unpopulated? I hope I am being insanely paranoid
Coming next week: as a special favour for their buddy Kash, the US hockey team will hold a seminar for FBI agents on How to Make Winning a Habit.
Allow me to thank those 77 million (allegedly legal) voters, as well as those who didn’t bother to vote, for electing the most dangerously stupid and idiotic presidential administration in American history.
To be honest, this has been a few years in the making.
@Erik: Fair